Everyone says they're fine!

So there I was, generally browsing my facebook friend list, looking at all the gems I’d managed to collect since I jumped onto the bandwagon a few years ago. Nearly 300 peeps were ensconced there, and I know I’ve interacted with all of them at some point or the other (I just pride myself on not adding anyone and everyone to my list). The one characteristic I couldn’t escape was how happy everyone looked (and how good looking everyone was!).

Strange... I’ve been in a number of social situations in my 30-odd years on this planet, and like almost everyone else, I’ve spent time with a number of different kinds of people, in different situations, and what has been an almost unquestionable observation is that people are heavily governed by their moods. Moreover, eliciting a smile from a majority of people is a rather Herculean task. I ask you then, how come, every time I look at anyone’s picture on FB, the person seems to be smiling/having fun (or looking good, for that matter)?

Ok, let me move away from generalizations – maybe some people are genuinely happy, or at least don’t have to make a gargantuan effort to smile or have fun. There are definitely people in my ambit who are sullen to a fault and as a rule find it impossible to be pleasant to others. Don’t get me wrong – my respect for all human beings is unflinching (as if!), all I’m trying to say is that there are people (let’s call them ‘sullens’ instead of people, shall we?), the Sullens (not to be confused with the vampire family Cullens), who are, well, sullen, as a rule, and are not at all ashamed about it. In fact, if anything, they carry this attitude very proudly on their sleeve (and face, and body language…). They’re not apologetic in the least about being unsmiling, unpleasant, and generally being jerks!
I’m sure by now you’re wondering why I bother to have them in my friends’ list – you see, like I said before, I have respect for all human beings (a pinch of salt is in the corner, kindly help yourself)…

So what is it that makes these proud sullens want to portray a smiling image (only) to the social media world? Is it a secret desire to appear warm and friendly? Is it a devious ploy to trap people in the friendship web before attacking them with the reality of their attitude? Or is it just that they’re tired of being sullen all the time, and want to frame that one moment of smiling artificially forever and ever! And since no one asks many questions about one’s profile picture, social media is the absolute best way to do this!

Now I’m no shrink, and I’d rather not get into why sullens are sullen, but I am a regular human being with human weaknesses, and I’d certainly like to express an opinion!
I say lets not single out sullens – it’s a phenomenon that’s pretty much universal – almost all of us like to portray ourselves as fun loving individuals who are forever pleasant and engaged in interesting activities. The real question then, is why is the concept of ‘just having fun’ looked down upon? And while we’re at it, another general wondering – how come people almost always manage to look good on their profile pictures?

Tearing down the barrier

The greatest barrier to communication, they say, is the distance between one man’s thoughts, and another’s (don’t mean to be sexist, but this is how people used to write stuff early last century). In a recent trip to a foreign land, I realized the relevance of this quote.

Besides a Lonely Planet Phrasebook guiding us on the Greek language, there was little else we could use to communicate with the locals in a small island off Greece’s East coast.

For, while the big cities and popular islands have a lot of English speakers, obscure little islands get lesser tourists and therefore lesser exposure to the language. In a neatly tucked away settlement in such an obscure island, we found a quaint little shop with some delicious locally made foodstuff (drinkstuff too!). The woman who owned the shop spoke better English than 90% of the island (meaning she could understand nearly half of what we said, without us using the very helpful phrasebook!), and explained with élan, the stories behind everything in the shop – how she actually makes everything from locally available ingredients for eight months of the year, and sells it for the rest of the four. Went on and on for almost an hour, especially as she had problems finding English words for what she was trying to say (didn’t stop her at all from talking though…women!)

What happened next was quite remarkable – a woman we’d met in a shop in another neatly tucked away settlement dropped in, and turned out to be our subject’s mum! Of course, belonging to the older generation, she didn’t speak a single word of English, but was quick to point out to her daughter that she recognized us (no mean feat, as we were the only Indians on the entire island!). Extremely excited about this serendipity, she went on to invite us to a ‘fiesta’ later that evening in a Church owned by the family (seeing as we were ‘close’ friends of her daughter). Greeks are extremely friendly people, it seems…

Following her car through a maze of hill roads (not the one in Bandra), passing about four small Churches on the way (everywhere in Greece, there’s a Church – much like the paan shops in India), we finally reached a hilltop with a quaint little Church, where a bunch of people were busy preparing for the feast. Of course, the woman from our foodstuff shop wasn’t here to translate, and we were left at the mercy of the phrasebook, as no one in this entire gathering spoke anymore English than my friend’s Labrador…

A slew of amusing exchanges followed, including one in which, on explaining that it was getting dark and we didn’t know the way back so we needed to leave, we heard lots of ‘Ohi Ohi’ (NO! NO!); and were told (mostly in sign language, accompanied by the weird sounds that were words of Greek), that the priest would be going the same way, and we would need to follow him, so there was no way we were to leave!

Then something magical happened – the food appeared on the long table, and everything suddenly became ok! Greeks go out of their way to prepare super tasty meals. A great meal later, we followed the priest and were able to get back alright, but the evening turned out to be one of the most remarkable experiences ever – a foreign land, not so much a language barrier as a language great wall, friendly strangers and brilliant food…

My take away on human nature was simple – when people connect at a human level (especially around food ;)), all other barriers disappear – it doesn’t matter if you don’t look alike or speak the same language – as long as your thoughts match, there is no barrier to communication that can’t be overcome!

Appearances can be deceptive...

This oldest of quotes hit me with an unbelievable force in a recent journey...

I had travelled to Pondicherry (now Puducherry, for all you regional jingoists) and it seemed like the short flight and car journey had transported me to an altogether different country! Nothing was as it should've been - I didn't understand the bad words written on the washroom walls, most people understood English (or a highly region-specific version of it anyway), meal timings were all screwed up - if you went to a restaurant at 2.30, it be shut, 'cos lunch, of course, got over at 1, and to top it all, auto rickshaws used the horns characteristic of the BEST monsters, making me jump in panic on more occasions than one, I can assure you!

It was here, in the land where up was down, where a breakdown of appearances happened for me. A really old man (nothing less than 280 years old), wearing only a lungi was the entreprenuer who rented us our means of transport (a 50cc gearless TVS moped - i prefer to think of it as an automatic transmission, compact urban transportation vehicle, ahem ahem).
At first, he came across as a senile, ill-tempered old man, whose English was restricted to "deposit 500 rupee" and "ID card deposit". By the last day of our stay, however, having rented the moped for 5 days from him, we'd delved a little deeper...
We found a grandfatherly figure, who helped us figure a way around keeping the bike (prefer to call it that) beyond rental hours, told us off for roaming about till very late at night (9.30pm), and invited us into his house...a really sweet old man who was only looking for some kind words, beyond which all barriers of language and region evaporated...ok, maybe not all, but the deal sure got easier.

Also, got me thinking - maybe we do judge too fast and too harshly, based on nothing more than appearances. A celebrated book (Blink), by a celebrated author celebrates the human ability to semi-consciously judge everything we need to know about a person or situation in the first few minutes of an interaction - I say relax, and let the person in front of you relax - this way you're likely to see a side to people and situations that you'd miss otherwise.

This is not to take away anything from the human instinct - that is an extremely useful tool - but the fact is that in today's life of extreme distrust in our fellow being, the walls that we build around ourselves sometimes become too tall and solid... Maybe we should just take the time from our busy schedules to give people a chance to let their guard down a little bit.

Shall the Freak inherit the earth?

Having twisted around the age-old quote on the meek in an outburst of familiar cynicism and considerable alarm, I went a little further down the road… my question to the world is - will this dreaded thing happen? Will the freak inherit the earth?

Throughout my short but rather eventful work life, I’ve met these freaks…literally every step of the way. I looked in various dictionaries, but the definition of the word, as I felt it, eluded me, until I hit upon exactly what I was looking for:

Freak (n): a person or animal on exhibition as an example of a strange deviation from nature; monster.

Monster - Bang on!

It’s these monsters I’m talking about. You see them everywhere – observe the loud, rowdy guy on the road, indiscriminately molesting, harassing, shouting, spitting. Chances are that it’s a deep-rooted inferiority complex, manifesting itself in over aggressive attention-seeking behaviour. Actually, one doesn’t need to go so far as the road – these freaks are commonly found lurking in office cabins and conference rooms as well – these locations are closer home to our young professional generation, and therefore the connection should be clearer. They might not spit, molest or harass, but rest assured, the behaviour is over aggressive and attention seeking, probably stemming from a similar inferiority complex as the chappie on the road.

I see these freaks exerting great influence over everyone they come in contact with – colleagues, vendors, agencies, subordinates, superiors, peons, etc. The part that really bakes my noodle (sorry, Oracle), is that no matter how loud, how obnoxious, how incompetent these freaks are, they always seem to succeed! They ARE taking over the world, whether we, the self-proclaimed “normal” people like it or not (mostly not). Like a virus, they’re prolific in multiplication, and I see more and more freaks all around me – the growth of the genre is alarming!

Will the “normal” people of today be able to withstand this onslaught? We know that normalcy is relative, like everything else in the universe – will the freaks of today be the "normals" of tomorrow? Will anyone half-decent be considered a freak?

Destinations you will arrive at, eventually – the journey is important…

Regularly in life, we fail to stop to smell the roses, as they say…I’ve always believed in the journey being much more important than a single minded focus on reaching the destination (unless, of course, I’m late for a flight!).

Examining this in the literal context first; the fact hit me in a beautiful country recently. I was driving around, trying to get from point A to point B at a certain pace, as I needed to get there in time to do activity C. The scenery around me was, needless to say, stunning! For a while I did continue at a certain pace, in order to reach point B, but then I just realized that these moments in my life to enjoy such natural beauty might never come back. That’s when I started the stop-and-go routine and instantly felt my journey become a lot more fulfilling.

I then applied this into everyday life, and realized that we just forget to stop and simply gaze at the beauty of the life that is passing us by. No matter how one’s life is shaping out to be, the fact is that there’s always something great happening around us, which we tend to miss out on, because we’re so absorbed with getting to a destination, performing our daily tasks, abusing life for being unfair to us, or any of those million everyday things that take up all of our time and attention. We never really stop, look around and think – my life’s great (or, well, it could be worse anyway!). The relevance of applying this stop-and-go theory, I suppose, is that it puts us in a slightly happier state of mind; even if there’s nothing to look forward to, in one’s life, at least one can just stop, count blessings (however few they maybe – just having your life and limbs intact, for instance), and go again, forward on our unrelenting path – getting to point B is essential, after all.

The temper diaries

More than 2300 years ago, Aristotle said, "Anyone can get angry, that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, at the right time, for the right reason, and in the right way - that is not easy."

 

As rational individuals, we all know that there are times when we are unreasonable in getting angry at someone. Why then, do we do it? We blame it on tough living conditions, stress on the job, family stress, and of course, the most common reason - PMS! Point being, we tend to blame our behaviour on our surroundings, external conditions, etc - basically, everything other than our own behavioural deficiencies.

 

What then, prompted Aristotle to say this more than two thousand years ago? A time, when, presumably, the stress in life was far lesser, lifestyles were simpler, more minimalistic and jobs were certainly less stressful (unless you were a soldier, of course!). The fact is, that whatever situation we are in, in life, a majority of us find it difficult to get by - we fancy our neighbour's pie more than our own, and tend to feel victimised when life hands us the proverbial lemon.

 

This would mean that, in the last 2000 years, as a race, human beings haven't evolved much beyond external living conditions, which, of course, has only made it more stressful for everyone involved - we're still feeling victimised, the grass is still greener on the other side, we're still, as a result, getting angry with the wrong people for the wrong reasons, at the wrong time. Where is that self control that the great epics have professed? Whatever happened to counting 10 before reacting to something?

I've seen a number of people who are quite composed and all, and claim to be extremely calm - but without fail, I've also seen every one of these people lose it unreasonably at some point. Our impulse to get angry, more often than not, translates into a physiological reaction of getting angry - this seems to be our basic evolutionary flaw.

 

Its on sale!

This one's for the guys (girls - don't miss it)!
I think it was a girl who once said "A guy will buy a $2 item that he needs for $4, and a girl will buy a $4 item that she doesn't need at all for $2, provided its on sale!" I leave it to individuals to comment (at their own risk, of course), on how true this statement is.

What I've observed, to much amusement, is that this statement remains true of women, irrespective of age, cast, creed, location, cost of the object in question, etc... so much so, that in everyday life, if one notices closely, there are words and phrases used that are designed to (intentionally or unintentionally) make us guys believe that we're getting the deal of our lives!

A friend of mine, living in the US and a self confessed couch potato, who'd never get up to perform any task that she considers "physically taxing" (including taking a STROLL around the park), was recently heard pestering her boyfriend to take her shopping for skiing equipment!! In unrelated yet shockingly similar incidents, here's what I got to hear: "this offer for return airfare to Chile is 'only' 70 grand - its usually 1Lac - we MUST go" (this from a girl who's been talking about saving money all month) , or, "hey! prices of cars have fallen? I think I should buy my favorite one!" (its recession time, honey!), or, "look at electronics goods prices - they're giving out a 30% discount - I think I'll buy a TV" (but I thought you already had two at home), or my personal favourite - "I think real estate prices are down these days - I should look at setting up a cafe as space will be cheap" (sure, that *should* be the primary motivating factor)